And this is why I’ll never be able to write a book

Mona Darling
Eight Pounds of Berries. One Big Pot.

Eight Pounds of Berries. One Big Pot.

My mom is out of town visiting family and the boysenberries in her back yard are in full swing. This morning I drove over and picked about eight pounds of berries in about four minutes. Seriously. I could just stick the bucket under the bramble and shake. The berries would land in the bucket and I could just pick out the offending leaves and chase away the adorable preying mantis babies – of which there were a shocking number.

OK. Maybe it wasn’t that easy, but damn! Lots of fabulous fruit!

Monkey feel asleep in the car on the way home, so I took the opportunity to rinse the berries and mash them in a pan. While I’m waiting for them to cook down, I realize that this is the perfect time to shake up some fresh butter. And while I’m a shake-shake-shaking, I think, you know what’s good with fresh jam and home made butter?


Flash to me digging the starter out of the back of the fridge and mixing up a sponge in the bottom of the bread maker…

So tomorrow we will have an amazing breakfast. Seriously noteworthy.

But a two hour nap has been wasted. Not a word written.

Oh. Um. Unless you count these.

But these are the easy words. The words that fly from my fingertips. Not the hard thought out, carefully chosen words that map my past and expose everyone around me. Not that I don’t want to write this book… I truly do. I’m just having a hard time finding the discipline.

Go Figure.

EDITED to add: Jane suggested I write a book on how to make jams and butters and breads, and I would! But, A.) mine never turn out quite like I planned and B.) Karen Solomon already did. And she’s got another one coming out this summer. Yum!

I've got questions about future barfing
Not Barbie
Mona Darling spent close to twenty years as an A-list professional dominatrix before becoming a D-list mommy blogger. After spending many years traveling the world being told that she is fabulous, she now spends her days being told she doesn’t drive fast enough by her five-year-old son. She is also a sex positive life coach and enjoys helping people live a full and happy life embracing all their quirks and fetishes. She also helps couples strengthen their relationships by learning about and understand each others quirks and fetishes.


  1. Alison Golden - The Secret Life of a Warrior Woman
    June 8, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    It’ll come out when it’s ready. Our babies normally do after all. 🙂

  2. Adele
    June 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    A famous author (naturally, I can’t remember who in this moment) once said that the time she didn’t spend writing was as important as the time she did. And I think that’s true of any art form. It’s very hard to just sit down and let it flow. Not to mention, it is very, very difficult to isolate the time to do it. But you can too write a book. I will be first in line for an autograph.

    But Jesus am I hungry now. I’m off to the cupboards to hunt for jam (it’s not going to be half as nice as what is in that pot, though:)

  3. Neeroc
    June 6, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Aw crap now I’m hungry. And I can totally taste it. My perfect world is the bread slathered with a thick coat of unsalted butter and topped with the jam that can’t really stick because there’s so much butter…and there’s drool on my keyboard.

    • dcg
      June 7, 2011 at 11:51 am

      You shoulda been here for breakfast. You coulda brought the bread. 🙁 Got up this morning to find that one of the spinners in the bottom of the bread maker came off and I had a big baked mess in the bottom of it. Will try again tonight with the spinners fully clicked in this time. 🙁

  4. Jane
    June 6, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    You should really make a book about making yummy homemade jam, butter and bread. Dammit, I am so hungry now :p