Mona Darling
The Big and Small of it all

The Big and Small of it all

Where once again, I weed through all the weird sex news so you don’t have to. And this week? It was a big, messy job. WHERE to begin?

How about with a map that shows us where the biggest boobs live. Boobs being breasts, not politicians. That map is still apparently being kept secret, although I have a few ideas. Now my D cup feels so… normal. Actually, I’m a DD. Does this mean my true sisters are in Russia? Or here in the states? This map is so unclear.

TSA Protester. Or, as we used to call them. Air travelers. This man was certainly not the first to think it would just be easier to go through security if we all just did it naked. He was, however, the first to do it. Then refuse to put his cloths back on.

My favorite quote from the naked man? “It got a lot bigger than I thought it ever would.” O_o

Apparently Nadya Suleman’s financial woes are serious enough to force her to sign up to do a “solo masturbation video.” I’m not sure how many people it usually takes for her to masturbate. Anyhows, because she is not using any stunt hands at all for this video she does not consider it porn. Ahh, how cute. It’s like the new strippers who don’t think they are sex workers because they don’t actually have sex with their clients. Sorry honey. But yes. This is gonna be porn. It is probably not going to be good porn, but, it will be porn. (I’m thinking this needs the MST3K treatment. I can already hear the baby chute comments bubbling up in my head.)

And yes, I am still a little mad at her and her Dr for making a mockery of IVF.

A serious problem with an unfortunate headline; “Prison Officials Go After Masturbating Prisoners.” Should be fairly easy to catch. They will be the ones in a cage…  masturbating. Reminds me a lot of work, now that you mention it. On a serious note, are they sex offenders? Um. Yes. They are committing a lewd act. Charge them as such. Am I heartless? Perhaps.

Actually. Yes. Yes I am. Masturbating in front of a woman non-consenually. Register as a sex offender. It should be a law.

And I’m sorry dear sir, if it took you until 8am to realize she was not, actually, a she, then you need to give the girl a HUGE tip, not try to stiff her. Two things maybe you weren’t capable of doing in your drunken state? I’ll refrain from labeling this as the site does and just call it what it is, a lovers quarrel.

And in more serious news, Ontario says “Yes, it would be safer if prostitutes could work together in a house,” basically legalizing brothels in a country where prostitution is already legal. Then the Canadian government came in and said “Maybe so, but we don’t like it. Prostitution is bad, yo. It takes advantage of women and puts them at risk.”

Um. No, Canadian Government. That would be you.

THIS JUST IN! The Secret Service actually… just a bunch of frat boys. Also? They are pumping money into the local economy’s of the countries they visit with visits to the local VIP rooms.

But wait! It gets worse!! They are also pumping the local prostitutes! Pumping them full of cash.

I’m a little confused as to the issue here.  There are no allegations of these men abusing strippers, or seeing underage prostitutes. And it’s been made clear that they don’t have access to the presidents schedule. I mean, if this was really putting the President at risk, wouldn’t FOX news deny allergations of a scandal hoping one of those strippers really was a ninja spy assasin so they would be rid of what they consider America’s Biggest Threat?

Oh. Wait.

Please help me figure out what happened here.
Top 10 Lies Told By A Dominatrix
While I am a Jill of all trades, and Mistress of none, I am passionate about women empowerment and growth. My interests span food, crafts and kink, but writing has always been my first love. I live in Portland Oregon with my husband, my impossibly cute dog, and my daughter who is on her own girlie journey, despite being assigned male at birth. I was a teen mother. Then, to even things out, I was pregnant again when I was 40. I have been a professional dominatrix for most of my adult life. I hold an official world record for the most people to have breakfast in bed together with 600 of my dearest friends. I am the Dominatrix Mommy Blogger.


  1. delinquenteggs
    May 3, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Boobs, everywhere boobs. 
    Hadn’t heard that about Nadya Suleyman. Ugh. It’s like Lindsay Lohan playing Liz Taylor. Only a lot sadder. 

    • DeadCowGirl
      May 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      [email protected] Wait. WHAT? Oh god no. Lilo is going to play… noooooooo.

  2. Chickenpig2
    May 2, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    It’s posts like this that make me adore your blog 🙂 Where you do you find this stuff? It made my day.

    • DeadCowGirl
      May 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

      [email protected] you. It’s comments like this that make me drink too much coffee, read my google alerts and blather on to WordPress. 🙂

  3. NadineThornhill
    May 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    What is up with breasts in Asia? China and Mongolia are so small and compact, then cross the border into Russia and BAM! A mammary explosion!
    p.s. I love your blog. I’ve been reading it for a few weeks, so I figured it was time to dive in and start sayin’ stuff. 

    • DeadCowGirl
      May 3, 2012 at 9:13 pm

      [email protected]! Makes you wonder about the special powers of vodka!  I maybe have to investigate…. 
      Welcome to my blog!! I actually just looked at your site and we seem to have a lot in common! 🙂