Thank you Mommy, may I have another?

Thank you Mommy, may I have another?

Being an Internationally Renowned Woman of Intrigue was all well and good, but pretty soon I realized my clothes were clean and I was sleeping nights, and that just had to change. It was time to have a baby.

Unfortunately, while married to an abusive ass clown when I was Too Young To Know Better, I had a tubal ligation.

At this point? I’m also old. Secondary infertility squared.

Queue IVF.

Actually, first I married my hunky boyfriend of ten years, THEN it was time to cue IVF.

We had all our testing done and a start date and suddenly he decided he wanted to get married first.

Finally. After 10 years. I had given up.

After we got evicted from our home of 10 years ON THE DAY WE FOUND OUT WE WERE PREGNANT and found a beautiful home in the mountains about an hour away from The City with a yard and a garden and trees and all those fun things you dream about when you are living in the concrete jungle, we moved to the ‘burbs.

I traded in my clients for a toddler, my whip for a hand trowel, a dungeon for a garden and my vinyl catsuit for a pair of food stained yoga pants.

And I don’t even do yoga.

Don’t worry! I kept a few key tools of the trade to use with a number of favorite clients.

(edited by Denae Handy. Editor of my future best seller.)