From Misfit to Mistress

mistressdeadcowgirlI met my abusive ex-husband when I was 15 and living on the street. Attracted to his unemployment check and his ability to be unreasonably jealous while maintaining a straight face, I moved in with him immediately and 40 weeks later gave birth to our first son.

I was not always known for my stellar decision making skills.

When I was 21, I took my three boys – I was apparently smart AND fertile – and left after a neighbor asked me if that was a hand print on my arm (it was) and pointed out that no one had the right to treat me “like that.” That was also about the time I had an abortion. I’m not sure I would have survived mentally had I stayed and had that baby.

Having reached rock bottom with no way to support my three boys and absolutely no family or friends for support, I gave up custody to my ex so I could go to college.

College was a petri dish of self discovery. I tried nearly every major available, from engineering to economics and all the humanities in between. I could never stick to one for more than a semester or two.

You know what else I couldn’t stick with? Relationships.

During high school I had been experimental. During my marriage I had been deprived. In college, I was unleashed.

While carrying a full credit load and maintaining a 3.5 GPA (and being an absentee mom to my three boys) I was also a fixture at the local goth clubs, always on the hunt for a fresh, fun play thing. I was certain that the next relationship would work out, but two weeks later I was bored. I was interested in kink and power exchange, but every attempt was disastrous, bordering on dangerous.

I guess that’s why Professional Domination seemed the obvious choice when I was laid off from my crappy college job.

My first foray into sex work was not as a Professional Dominatrix, but at a play house like the one Diablo Cody worked at in Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper. I did masturbation, girl-on-girl, and lingerie shows as well as submissive, fetish or dominant play. There were also lots and lots of goofy role-plays. Seriously. Goofy. One time I was paid to dress up like a ballerina and be kidnapped. In a tutu. There were also several comic book fetishists that will always have a special place in my heart.

During my explorations, I grew into my role as Professional Dominatrix Extraordinaire.

In the years since I became a sex worker I have lived an amazing life. I have met fascinating people, traveled to exotic places and seen my picture in nationwide publications. Not bad for a girl once teased for living on a self supporting farm.

But who likes to be clean, well rested and adored forever? At the top of my game, I gave it all up to become a mommy blogger.