How Do I Start Exploring BDSM and Kink? #BOAW

The Beauty Of A Woman Blogfest VIIThis post is part of The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VII! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 9th.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

When I first started exploring kink, there was no internet. If you knew where to look, you could find books. They weren’t carried in every bookshop, and sometimes even if they were, you had to ask for access to a back room or a special locked shelf. If you knew where to look, you could find parties. Often, just being there was considered consent. If you knew where to look, you could find toys. Often prohibitively expensive, made to order and could take weeks to arrive OR cheaply made, tacky to the touch, sold by a leering man with cigarette stained fingers offering to help you get to know your purchase.

Now we have the internet and access to every kinky idea and erotic fiction possible from the comfort and privacy of our own home.

But still, we need to know where to look. Instead of being hidden in the back room, the information we seek is hidden in plain site, surrounded by distorted half truths  and masturbatory flights of fancy. The leering man with the cigarette stained fingers has been replaced by a photoshopped close up of brightly lit genitalia. The toys, once so difficult to acquire, now beckon from every corner of the web.

So even with all this information, one of the questions I get asked most often is, “How to I start exploring bdsm and kink?”

It can be difficult to find, but there is lots of solid information out there. These are a few of my favorite resources. Please feel free to reach out if you are looking for something more specialized. This is a very broad topic, and no one resource is going to cover everything.

Kinky Sex Tips For Curious Girls: A BDSM Activity Guide For Beginners
My book! So how could I not start with it? This is an approachable shame-free introduction to kink, modeled on a kids activity book. There are color pages, worksheets and lots of solid information.

FetLife feel free to add me as a friend MonaDarling.
Fetlife is basically Facebook for kinksters. Where Facebook will close you down for posting pictures of breastfeeding, Fetlife encourages you to post your dirtiest selfies. It can be a bit overwhelming, but it can also be a great resource for finding local kinky meet-ups and events, or meet others who have your same interests.

Find A Munch
A munch is a meeting of kinksters in a public place wearing street cloths, which can allow you to get to know each other, and learn about the local scene, without the pressure to play. Most take place at coffeeshops or other casual meeting places. Use Find A Munch to locate a munch in your area.

Darling Propaganda Lounge
Darling Propaganda Lounge is my private facebook group for women to talk about and explore their sexuality, including their kinky sexuality. If you would like to know more, click the link!

#KinkWithMona Livestream On O.School
Every Monday from 6-8pm PST, I host a conversation on O.school about kink. Each week has a topic, but you are always invited to join in and ask off topic questions. This is a conversation, and like all good conversations, we never know where we will end up.

I also highly recommend these books, all available on Amazon. (affiliate links)

13 thoughts on “How Do I Start Exploring BDSM and Kink? #BOAW”

  1. Oh, I love that many of your resources are classics. Screw the Roses is one of my fave author’s fave books. I knew a couple of pages in that she was a lifestyler. It was in the real and reverent way she wrote her submissives (which is often how you can tell an author with life experience & understanding v. the ones just riding the 50 Shades bandwagon).

    As for your book, it sounds like a terrific novice resource. I may be picking it up so I can pimp it to my followers.

    As always, love your candor.

  2. You are the QUEEN of welcoming gals into the kink/BDSM world with passion and grace. Beautiful tips here, as always! Thanks so much for bringing them to the fest.

  3. These look like excellent resources opening a world to so many who what to know more but do not know where to go. And, I agree with what Kitt and August are saying about your book as a terrific resource as well as your passion and grace. What an unbeatable combination. Great post!

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